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Miles's avatar

Fun story: my wife and I tried to game the system by having me (the father) be the oncall parent. No one thought to mommy track the dad, and then she was able to work full steam and advance her career at the same time. It worked for quite a while!

But, opting for flexibility did eventually catch up with me, and now she earns more than I do. Happened after about ten years.

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drosophilist's avatar

Here's another comment, because my last one was getting too long.

Anecdote time!

I practice a martial art. Most of the other people in my dojo are men. When I got pregnant, I went to my instructor and explained my situation: I will keep practicing until I start "showing," but I can't exert myself, so I'll have to step back if the practice gets too vigorous, and I absolutely cannot do any sparring where I might get kicked or punched in the stomach. My instructor agreed and was very supportive.

As I went around the dojo and told all my colleagues about my pregnancy and what it meant for my practice, no fewer than four of them beamed at me and said, "Congratulations! BTW, what a coincidence, my wife is pregnant too!"

Over the next few months, as I grew more exhausted and to pull back from practice more and more, finally quitting it altogether, all these men continued to practice as hard and as regularly as ever. Once each man's wife gave birth, he would disappear for about two weeks, then reappear, bleary-eyed and exhausted (these are all good husbands and dads, who did their share of nighttime baby care) but otherwise fit and eager to practice.

I, on the other hand, not only had to stop practice altogether about 4-5 months into my pregnancy; it also took me months, plural, to get back into sufficient shape to be able to return to the dojo. It took me a *long time* to catch up with my male friends once I returned.

The point of this anecdote is: pregnancy is brutal on the body, even "healthy, easy" pregnancy (such as the one I was lucky to have), let alone a complicated one. It's easy to forget when you focus on intellectual jobs, where a person can be thought of as a "brain on a stick" and their physicality and body doesn't matter so much. If your job requires a high level of physical exertion, such as being an athlete, being pregnant/giving birth is a wrecking ball. Even in low-exertion jobs, the reason women take more leave after a baby is born is not just "society's norms dictate that women look after babies," it's to give their bodies some time to heal from the ordeal that is childbirth.

Truly, we won't have 100% gender equality in the workplace until artificial uteri are widely available. I'm kind of kidding, but not really.

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